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| The SMILE Blog |
| True Confessions of a Single Mom Vol. 1 -by Christa Current mood: complacent Category: Life We are a different breed. It's sometimes difficult for others to understand what it's like to be one of us. Other mothers with husbands and traditional families, although great in their own right, cannot quite understand what we go through. Fathers with wives that love and support their families, may sometimes take the mother of their children for granted, so they certainly have problems seeing things from our point of view. The fathers that leave us to struggle in this world with nothing but the company of our child obviously could care less. Not only have they left us out to dry, but don't even have the respect to be thankful that someone is their to ensure their child is taken care of. Mothers that still have the support and concern of their exes; have that crutch of someone that still cares about their child, they are lucky. . .but still don't know who I am. I am a single, struggling mother. . .in this world alone. My partner in crime is a three year old boy. We ride together, alone. During my short ride as a single parent, we have been through some things. When I lost my job last year, I was forced to swallow my pride for the well being of my son. During my dilligent search for another job, I had to go back to being a waitress so that I could feed Jay. When nothing materialized from my hours of online job hunting and resume' e-mailing, I had to move back into my mother's house for a total of 5 months. I felt like such a failure. Here I was, a 22 year old, former professional. . .sharing a room with my son. Things happen in life to everyone, but when it happens to a single mom, who do we turn to for support? If we are lucky enough to have family that cares, we can look towards them. But who is there to boost our morale, upgrade our confidence and reassure us that we are still good mothers? One thing I could never get over was personal guilt. Every time something happens, I constantly harbour feelings of guilt. I hate having to ask for help from my family not only because they could use some help of their own, and because it's embarassing, but mainly because I hate letting them down. I hate making my papi worry about Jay and I because he already has so much on his mind. So sometimes, to keep my grandparents from worry, I keep my mouth shut, pretending that everything is ok, when sometimes it is far from ok. I have guilt about Jaylen too. I wonder what he's going to think about me and my "job performance" when he get's old enough to understand all of my shortcomings. I have the same dreams for him that most parents do, but my reasons are deep seeded. I had the kind of childhood that consisted of hungry nights and lonely days. I had the "bad childhood" people cry about all of the time. It happens, and it made me who I am today. But what drives me, is insuring that Jay doesn't have to experience any of those trials. Yet here we are and here I am making some of the same mistakes that haunted my upbringing. I have at least learned not to be ashamed of myself. Guilty maybe so, but there is no need to hide from it. After all, I am not one of a kind. We are everywhere. We live in the suburbs and in the ghettos of America. We work in top corporate positions and minimum wage jobs. We have one or many children, but we are lonely. We are institutionally educated and some of us learned life the hard way. But we are here. Wiping runny noses and sometimes picking the boggies out with our manicured nails. We are packing lunches and overnight bags on the way to grandma's. We are deciding what bill to pay this time around and learning how to stretch a dollar. We are doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen and balancing the checkbook while a hyper toddler runs circles around us. We are staying up late at night partially because it's the only quiet time we get and partially because it's too quiet to sleep alone. We are single mothers everywhere. And these are our lives. peace&love -C. aka Mommy |
New Year for Me- By Chris It is safe to say that 2006 was the most challenging, difficult, upsetting, sad, and frustrating year of my life. I have dealt with some ups, but mostly downs. Hell, my son's new kitten died on the 30th. I think there is a black cloud that follows over me (not around me like Pig Pen! HA!!). I have done a lot of thinking about resolutions. I do not believe in them because I cannot keep them to save my life. One of the things I wanted to do for 2006 was to be a better father, and I think I accomplished that. So, here are some personal objectives (I refuse to call them resolutions) I have for 2007: -Be a better father. ALL of us can be a better mother or father. No matter how good I think I am as a dad, I can do better. -Get in better physical shape. I have already lost some weight and I got my ankle fixed, thanks to some intense physical therapy. So I will be ready to start running again when the weather improves. -Find new and old friends. I have found out that some of my current "friends" are not what I need. I need people that are supportive, trust-worthy, selfless, and to be there when I need someone. -Be more confidant and sure of myself when it comes to the opposite sex. i need to take chances when it comes to communicating with women (asking ladies out and, if I get a no, then do not let it kill my ego). -Be better with my finances, especially if I am going to live in the house by myself. Most importantly.... -I need to do stuff for me and quit thinking about other people so much. I need to make myself happy and not have any worries. To go along with that, I am not going to let certain individuals (EX!) make my life too difficult. Sometimes, I do way too much for people. Do not get me wrong, I have no trouble helping my friends, but I need to learn to say no sometimes. I did turn one friend's request down and now I feel bad about it. But, it put me in a situation to choose a friend over spending time with my son. I need to do what is best for me and hopefully people will repect me for that. So, there you have it. Wish me luck and look out world. |
| Being a Single Mom- By Kristi Current mood: aggravated Category: Life I will begin by telling you a little about myself. My name is Kristi. I am 28 years old and a single mom of a 3 year old boy named Nicholas. Nick's dad and I had a relationship that has lead me to work on a book, which could easily become a lifetime movie. I stayed too long and risked my life, and those deeply dear to me. Nicks dad and I separated in February 2005. Nick was visiting his father every other weekend by late 2005. Nick has not seen his dad since January 7th 2006. His dad is now serving a 10 year prison term. So now I am faced with the very difficult situation of being a single mom. A single mom raised me with 2 other siblings, but until becoming one myself I did not realize the negative views others have of single moms.. The amazing qualities one must possess to be a single parent often goes unnoticed. I wrote this as a blog.. just to release a little anger after receiving a very negative, demanding and threatening letter from my sons father..in it he states "go be a single mom, bring men in and out of Nicks life, and always putting Nick last" Everyone of us know at least one single mom. But does anyone know what it is really like to be a single mom. There are a lot of sterotypes about single moms. "We are after new daddies", "we milk the daddy's for child support", "we downgrade the sperm donors" (sorry some of you are just that).. I am sick and tired of being downgraded because of my marital status and label as a single mom. Now remember single moms are each still very different. There are different levels of single parenting each level has its own trials and tribulations. I am going to speak on my side of it.. I have a 3 year old son, that does not get to see his father. Not because I fought him in court to revoke his rights (which I could have easily won), not because I don't know who his dad is, and not because his dad is dead (though it would make some of my situation a lot easier). But because his father chose a path that prevents him from being in his son's life. It was his father's choice to make, but yet I am the one having to deal with the consequences involving my son. I do not get child support to assist in raising a young man, and you know what I have yet to care about the money. When we were in court I even agreed to a lower amount a month so that His dad wouldn't fall behind easily. When his father lost court appointed visits, due to his own stupidity, I started taking him to see him on my own (with supervision of course). I did everything I could to keep a relationship between the two of them. And now, his father has chosen to downgrade me so low as to call me a bad, selfish, heartless mother to my son. He states that Nick will grow to resent and despise me. I refuse to give into this mans demands and downgrading any longer. I will do what I feel is best for my son. I still have pictures of his dad in his room, in photo albums and we still read the same story we used to read together. I have never called his dad the names I would prefer to call him in front of Nick. (you know lousy, piece of sh*t, maniuplative a**hole) He knows nothing of who his father truly is, where he is, or what he did. But still his father continues to harass and put me down even though I am doing the best I can to raise Nick to be a better man, husband, friend and father than his own. I work terrible hours so that I can afford to provide for my son. I want my son to have the things in life that he deserves. I want to spend as much time as I can with him, because I know I will not always be able to be there for him. Single moms have a lot to deal with. We are the sole decision makers, we are the sole providers, the nurse, the nanny, the teacher, the friend...ok you all get the point. The most important thing we have to do is make sure we have our child's best interest in mind. I have made a decision that will affect the rest of Nicholas's life. His father feels that I am completely selfish, and moronic and that i will dread making this decision. But I have one thing to say to him: I am raising our son by myself because you chose not to think enough of him and his life. You were the one that put something else before him. i will not make the same mistake you did. I love him more than that. I am proud to be a single mom. How this story will end I am not sure, but until Jan of 2016 I will do all that I can to prove to Nick everything I did, I did for him. If you know a single mom, realize it is not how we pictured our life, nobody ever plans or wants to be a single parent. But that is not how our lives ended up, we are single parents, but sometimes having only one parent is better than the risk the absent parent could cause. Give a single mom a hug today, she always needs it... |
