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The SMILE Blog

Page 2
Moving on vs. holding a grudge (Lesson 1) -By The Diamond Butterfly
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life






**Bell Rings**

Good morning/afternoon/evening class.
Today's subject is forgiveness and grudges.

My three months away from this site have given me a lot of time to contemplate on several issues that I
had....especially with my ex and my kids' father. It seems that people confuse moving on with holding a
grudge. I think it's time that I school some folks on the difference, especially since I've been on both
sides of the fence.

When it comes to holding a grudge, you have not forgiven. You may say that you have, but it's not
completely out of your system. When you hold a grudge that's exactly what you're doing....you're still
holding on to the pain, the hurt, the embarrassment, the anger, the spite, the jealousy, the evil;
whatever happened is still in your mind. You may want to retaliate, get revenge, whatever you want to
call it. You blame the other person for disrespecting you, but you also blame yourself for letting it
happen. In turn, you tend to hold on to the issue at hand and throw it back in their face every single
chance you get. You use it to make them feel bad, to hurt them like they hurt you, and to degrade them.
Unfortunately this tactic never works, but I'm pretty sure everyone has had their experience with this at
some point in their life....and you probably have been on both the giving and the receiving end of it.

When it comes to forgiving, that is the actual act of facing what has happened, confronting the person
that caused the pain, forgiving them.....and MOVING ON!!! This means there is no holding on to being
hurt. There is no using the situation to get back at the person. You may still be hurt by what happened,
but you don't let it consume your thoughts or your life. You learn from the situation so that it doesn't
happen to you with another person....or the same person....ever again. You walk away revenge-free.

Now....here's where most people get it twisted. Let me say this loud and clear...JUST BECAUSE THE
INCIDENT CAUSED YOU TO MOVED ON DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE HOLDING A GRUDGE!!!!!!!

Now, let me explain why I'm discussing this. When it came time to let certain people in my life go, I had
some ask me why? I then proceeded to explain how things they may have did or said to me were
hurtful, and I no longer wished to have people like that in my life. I feel that if you can blatantly
disrespect me for this, that, or the other reason then you must not have any love or respect for me. They
mistook this as me holding a grudge. Some even said that I needed to get over myself and let the
situation go. One person went so far as to say that I must want to get back at him or else I wouldn't still
be thinking about what he said to me. This is when I figured out that there must be a very thin, fuzzy line
between moving on and grudges. So I'm going to draw it out for you thick, straight, and as visible as
can be.

There were reasons why I let people go. I told some of these people the reasons. Others I just don't
contact anymore. The reasons are based on things that were done or said to me...sometimes in front
of my children...and it is these situations that I don't want myself, or my kids, to be subjected to. This
does not mean that I have a grudge against these people. It simply means that it was their actions that
caused me to release them in the first place. I have decided that I want better company in my circle,
and I have no room for anyone that wants to physically hurt me (ESPECIALLY in front of my kids!!), call
me a bi-polar two-faced bitch, disregard my kids and I even though they're a part of YOUR family, or say
that I think I'm too good for this or that! Yeah, it may sound like I'm calling people out now (hence...the
grudge factor), but I'm just simply stating the things that I told them. Rather they heard me or not....I'm
not sure. The fact of the matter is I just want better people around me, not pretenders.

So, with that said, let me once again clarify the difference between the two.

Grudge: having built up anger towards someone or something due to it negatively affecting you. Using
past events negatively towards others for extended periods of time.

Forgiveness: Talking events out to people, forgiving them for what they've done, letting go, and moving
forward with no intentions of recollecting the events from the past, or using them for retaliation later on.

That concludes today's lesson ladies and gentlemen. Feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, or
additions to anything I just said.

**Bell Rings**

Have a nice day class!